
Price 
15 Cents 



Two A 
Merry Wagers 





A FARCE 



By 

Edna Randolph 
Worrell 



Copyright, 1914 
By March Brothers 



MARCH BROTHERS, PubUshers 

208, 210, 212 Wright Ave., Lebanon, Ohio 




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TWO MERRY 
WAGERS 



A FARCE 



By 

Edna Randolph Worrell 



MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 

208, 210, 212 WRIGHT AVE., LEBANON, OHIO 



T^^^ 
M^"^ 



< 



7.<\ 



Copyright, 1914, 
By March Brothers. 



TMP92-007637 



AUG-6i9l<f- 

©ao 37763 



Characters. 

Maude Warren, a society girl (modish morning 
gown ) . 

Gr^\ce Gay, friend to Maude (street costume). 

James Craig Montgomery, man about town 
(top boots, riding breeches, short coat). 

Bridget, Irish servant (black dress, white cap 
and apron). 



TWO MERRY WAGERS 

A Farce 

BY 

EDNA RANDOLPH WORRELL 



ScE^-a.— Breakfast room in the Warren house- 
hold Table and tzvo chairs center. Two other 
chairs should he placed zvell front to extreme 
right and left of stage. Exits,, center and left. 

Time. — Morning. 

(Curtain rises on Bridget polishing glasses on 
table. She glances at clock before speaknig.) 

Bridget Tin o'clock and Miss Maude not up 
yet ' Sure it must be grand to be a young lady 
niver puttin' a foot to the floor till it's toime to 
dress for a party! She wint to six parties yis- 
tiddy and the loikes of thim I niver heard. Hrst 
she went to a five-hundred party. Monid the 
cize of that now! Thin she wint to a lunch 
party (Bridget stops to check number ott on 
fingers.) Thin there was a box-party at the 
the-ay-ter, which makes me roar with laughter 
to think of Miss Maude settin' on a box when she 
could have a whole row of iligant vilvet chairs 
if she wanted thim! Thin she wmt to a tango 
lay pa-^y ^^hat's a brand I niver tasted, and 



6 TWO MERRY WAGERS. 

I'm over fond of tay ! Til be askin' Mis' War- 
reu to order a pound the nixt toime she phones 
to the store. After that she wint to a dinner 
party and thin I heard her say she she mit some- 
body at a bridge; a quare place for a young 
lady to be goin' at noight, I'm thinkin' ! I'm 
glad she didn't mate me and Pat there! (Bell 
rings.) That's letters. (Goes to door [center] 
and takes mail from box, sorts and reads ad- 
dresses aloud.) Miss Maude Warren, Miss 
Warren, Miss Maude, Miss Maude, Miss War- 
ren, all for Miss Maude — and from gintlemen, 
I'll be bound! (Sighs heavily. She then places 
the letters one by one on the table, examining 
them as she continues her monologue.) That 
writin' looks loike the tall thin gintleman ; and 
this is loike the short fat one ; and that's from 
the doctor, bold as ye plase with his name in the 
corner ! This one is iligant enough for the 
gintleman with the diamond scarf pin, and this 
looks as much loike the red-headed gintleman as 
writin' could look loike a head o' hair. They're 
all crazy about her, too ; one just as much as the 
other, but it's me private opinion publicly ex- 
prissed that she doesn't care a turn of her pretty 
little head for any of thim. (She drops a let- 
ter.) They do say that droppin' a letter manes 
a widdin to the house, but I'll bet myself a foine 
new bonnet that the groom won't be any of thim 
that hangs around now, he'll be somebody dif- 
ferent entirely. 

(Enter Maude, left.) 



TWO MERRY WAGERS. 



Maude. Good morning, Bridget! Did I hear 
you talking to any one? 

^ Bridget. Good mormng, Miss! No, Miss! 
I was oniy remarkin' to meself that I d be buym 
meself a foine- new bonnet one of these days. 
What will ye have for breakfast, Miss f 

Maude. Nothing much, just half a grape- 
fruit and some cofifee. (Maude seats herself 
back of table, facing audience. Bridget places 
fruit in front of Maude and exits left.) 

Maude (continuing). What a lot of mail 
(She opens letters one by one, readmg them 
aloud Letters should be written out and num- 
bered to be taken up in proper order.) 

-My dear Miss Maude- Accept the heartiest 
congratulations and best wishes of Y^^u^^ ,?^^ 

^' What on earth does he mean ! He must think 
it's my birthday ! 

"Mr John Foster Earle— 

''As years about your life entwine, 
May happiness be ever thine." 
That sounds like a birthday card, too. isn t 
it funny! I wonder if there are any more like 

'%'ear Maude-l have just heard the happy 
news. Mav I call and give you my best wishes 
in person?' Phone me that I may come, pro- 
'"ded, of course, that I do not make a crowd. 
Three is not company, you know. ^, 

Cordially, . ^J^^I-^^, 

Well I never! Isn't this too comicah i h e 
plot thickens," as they say m melodrama, some 



8 TWO MERRY WAGERS. 

body surely is playing a joke. Here's a letter 
from Dr. Harrington, maybe he'll enlighten me. 

"My Dear Miss IVarrcn — You have certainly 
stolen a march on us all. How did you ever 
manage it? I'm all broken up about it, but I 
suppose I'll have to accept it the same as the 
other fellows. Forgive me if I am saying too 
much and be assured that I hope everything is 
for the best." 

Mercy ! There is no birthday greeting about 
that, it sounds more like a condolence. I won- 
der what I have done. Maybe I've been walk- 
ing in my sleep and eloped — or something. 

(Enter Bridget with box.) 

Bridget. A messenger just brought this. Miss. 

Mar^dr (opening box). Roses! How lovely ! 
I wonder who sent them. (Searches for card.) 
Why, there is no card. Did the boy say who 
sent them ? 

Bridget. No, Miss ; nary a name did he spake 
but your own. 

Maude. No matter. Fix them prettily in a 
vase for me. That's a good girl. (Exit Bridget 
with flow^ers. Maude continues thoughtfully.) 
Those flowers are part of the joke. Here is a 
letter in a strange hand ; ma3^be this will en- 
lighten me. 

"My Dear Young Friend — May an old com- 
rade of your father's send congratulations to the 
daughter whom he has never seen? I have just 
learned of your brilliant prospects and I hasten 
to express my satisfaction at your good fortune. 
Give my regards to your father, my compliments 



TWO MERRY WAGERS. 9 

to your mother, and believe me, my dear Miss 
Warren, to be your most obedient servant. 

Caspar Ogden." 

That's no joke, anyhow. I wonder what it all 
means. I'm beginning to feel dizzy. 

( Enter Grace Ga}^ from the back center, put- 
ting hands over Maude's eyes.) 

Grace. Guess ! 

Maude. I know, Grace Gay ; no one but you 
would think of scaring a body to death before 
breakfast. Sit down, dear. (Grace takes other 
chair at table.) I am awfully glad to see you. 
I have about a million questions I want to ask. 

Grace. And Fm crazy to see you. I came 
the first minute I could get away. I want you 
to tell me all about it. 

Maude. All about what r 

Grace. Miss Innocence ! 

Maude. What do you mean? 

Grace. What — do — I — mean ! \\'ell, that is 
a good one, when you have taken the whole town 
into your confidence. I always considered my- 
self your most intimate friend, and expected to 
be your bridesmaid, but I see I'm to be left out ! 

Maude. Indeed, Grace, I don't know what 
you are talking about. Won't you stop your 
teasing? 

Grace. You're the one that's teasing. 

Maude. Truly I'm not. I'm almost dis- 
tracted trying to understand a lot of letters that 
came this morning. Somebody is playing a prac- 
tical joke on me and you are evidently in the 
secret. I think you're real mean. (Wipes eyes.) 



10 TWO MERRY WAGERS. 

Grace. Why, Maude, I'm as serious as a dic- 
tionary. 

Maude. Well, somebody is joking anyhow; 
read that, and that, and that, and that. (Throws 
letters in Grace's lap. Grace reads to herself.) 

Grace. Do you really mean to say you don't 
know ? 

Maude (tearfully). No — I — don't! 

Grace. Why, they are about your engage- 
ment, of course. 

Maude. My engagement ! 

Grace. Yes. Aren't you ? 

Maude. Engaged? No! To whom? 

When? Where? 

Grace. Didn't you see last evening's paper? 

Maude. I only read the fashions and the 
jokes. Why? 

Grace. I'll tell you in a minute. (Produces 
clipping from bag.) I saved this clipping. Lis- 
ten. *'The engagement of Miss Maude Warren, 
daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Henry C. Warren, to 
Mr. James Craig Montgomery is announced." 

Maude. Oh!. Oh! Oh! Isn't that awful ! 

Grace. Then it really isn't true? 

Maude. No! No! Of course it's not ! 

Grace. I don't know why it's — "of course," 
he's rich and good looking, with a whole regi- 
ment of ancestors. 

Maude. Why, I don't knozv him. I never 
met him. I never even sazv him, except when 
we passed on horseback in the park. But, oh 
Grace, (dreamily) I couldn't help noticing how 
beautifully he rode, and his eyes are perfectly 






TWO MERRY WAGERS. 11 

lovely. I really think I could care for him if I 
had the chance — but, now — oh ! oh ! oh ! What 
will he ever think of me ! (Walks up and down 
in agitation.) 

Grace. No doubt he's very much flattered to 
have been chosen by the belle of the town. 

Maude. Oh, Grace, how can you ! Besides, 
they say he's a woman hater. (Puts head on 
table and cries.) 

Grace (leaning over her). Come, cheer up. 
It might be a great deal worse. Suppose you 
were engaged to a Hottentot. 

Bridget (entering). A gintleman to see you. 
Miss; a brand new one! (Hands card to 
to Maude.) 

Maude (reading card). James Craig Mont- 
gomery. Oh, Grace, he's here! (Jumps up and 
runs about table, Grace following her.) What 
shall I do ? Where shall I go ? How can I hide ? 

Grace. Don't get so excited. 

Maude. I can't help it, I can never, never see 
him in the wide, wide world. 

Bridget (wildly waving her apron). Sure, 
Miss, ye don't have to, I'll defind ye wid me loife I 

Grace (to Maude). Oh yes, you can. (To 
Bridget). The gentleman isn't an ogre, Bridget. 
I don't think you'll come to blows. 

Maude. I can't see him, I tell you, I can't ! 
I'd simply die ! 

Grace. Not while you're looking as healthy 
as you do now. You're making as much fuss 
as if you'd seen a mouse. Just stay and face the 



12 TWO AIERRY WAGERS. 

music. Here! (Gives Maude powder-puff and 
glass from vanity bag.) 

Maude (catching her breath and dabbing her 
nose with the puff). I — suppose — it — is — best. 

Grace. Shall I stay and hold your hand? 

Maude. No, dear; I think I can get along 
better with him alone ; but don't go far, I might 
need you. Show the gentleman in, Bridget. 

Bridget. Yes, Miss, and don't be afraid. Just 
scramc and I'll come a runnin'. (Exit Grace 
left and Bridget center. Enter Montgomery 
center. They bow.) 

Montgomery. Miss Warren. 

Maude. Mr. Montgomery. 

(They bow again.) 

Maude. Pray, be seated, 

Montgomery. Thank you. (He bows again 
and waits till Maude has seated herself on chair 
to left of platform. He then takes the one to 
right.) 

Maude (after pause during which both glance 
at each other, then turn away). May I know to 
Avhat circumstance I am indebted for this call ? 

Montgomery. Certainly, certainly. I was 
about to explain. I hope you will pardon me 
for coming at so early an hour but — 

Maude. But what, Mr. Montgomery? 

Montgomery. The fact is. Miss Warren, I 
came on rather a peculiar errand. 

Maude. Indeed ? 

Montgomery. Yes, yes, a very peculiar er- 
rand. I might say an extraordinary errand. 
(Silence. Pantomime of glances repeated.) 



TWO MERRY WAGERS. 13 

Maude (after pause). Proceed. 
Montgomery. Yes, yes, certainly. T was 
about to do so, er — ah — I never call on young 
ladies. 

Maude. So I would suppose. 
Montgomery. Miss Warren, you are cruel. 
Maude. The suspense you are keeping me in 
is still more so. 

Montgomery. True, true, pardon me again; 
but the matter is a very delicate one. Um — er — 
ah — may I ask if you saw, ah, my name coupled 
with yours in last evening's paper? 

Maude. I was informed of such a notice this 
morning. Can you explain it? (Icily.) 

Montgomery. That is what I came to do, 
though I was' as much surprised as you at the 
announcement. As I said before, I never call 
on young ladies. Please do not think strangely 
of me for making that remark, but I have always 
held them in such high regard that I never cared 
to visit any of them until I saw one that I 
" thought I could make my wife. 

Maude (aside). Then he isn't a woman hater 
after all. 

(Silence, while chairs are drawn closer.) 
Montgomery. To continue, some friends of 
mine, for a joke, bet that they could make me call 
on any girl they might select. I took the bet, 
feeling sure I would win. They invented this 
unusual way of bringing me to you, and it is they 
who have won, as T am here to make amends as 
best I may. Will you forgive me for the unwit- 



14 TWO MERRY WAGERS. 

ting part I have taken in this unfortunate affair? 
(Draws his chair nearer to Maude's.) 

Maude (doing same). Indeed, I do forgive 
you, Mr. Montgomery; you may say we are 
fellow sufferers. 

Montgomery. I am not a sufferer, Miss War- 
ren ; I am deeply grateful for any circumstances 
that could have brought us together. 

Maude. You are very kind. 

Montgomery. I have always longed to meet 
you. 

Maude. Oh, Mr. Montgomery! 

(Chairs are now quite close.) 

Montgomery. Won't you tell me what I can 
do in this matter? 

Maude (turning head away). I suppose the 
proper thing to do is — to break — our — engage- 
ment. 

Montgomery. As you like. Miss Warren; but 
why not be engaged for a while on trial? We 
have often seen each other in the park and I 
fancied when our glances met that your look was 
not unkindly. Am I right? 

Maude (faintly). Yes. 

Montgomery. And so, since I am not dis- 
tasteful to you, could we not let the announce- 
ment stand, to the world at least, and then — if 
you could care — as — I — do now — no one need 
ever know that we were not. Shall we ? 

Maude. This is so sudden. (Gives him both 
her hands.) 

Montgomery. Then I have lost a bet but won 
a wife. (Montgomery starts to take her in his 



TWO MERRY WAGERS. 15 

arms when Bridget enters hastily with flowers in 
hand.) 

Bridget. Beg pardon for interrupting but 
there is nary a vase in the house big enough for 
this bunch. (In loud whisper to Maude). Do 
ye nade any assistance, Miss? 

Maude (laughing). No, Bridget. Go call 
Miss Grace. 

Montgomery (taking flowers from Bridget, 
who exits left). These are my peace offering — 
to my bride-to-be. 

Maude. Did you send them ? I didn't know. 
They are perfect — like our romance. (Enter 
Grace and Bridget. Maude embraces Grace.) 
Oh, Grace, just think, dear, you are to be my 
bridesmaid after all. Allow me to introduce my 
future husband, Mr. Montgomery. Mr. Mont- 
gomery, Miss Gay. (They bow.) 

Bridget. Excuse me. But I'd loike to have 
an hour off, Miss, to buy meself a foine new bon- 
net. (Maude and Montgomery center, Grace 
left, Bridget right.) 

Curtain. 



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us thirty cents fort hree dozen very finelittle silk fliigs. These 
your scholars can sel I for five cents each, proceeds to go towards 
the purchase of a flag. Or, give an entertainment and with the 
proceeds buy a flag and a library. The people want you to have 
a flag, and they will help. 

Don't Delay— Do It Now! 



MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 

208, 210, 212 Wright Avenue, LEBANON, OHIO 



